What Hurts The Most
by Beautiful-Crying-Angel
Summary: It's been a while since Iola's death, but it's the little things that get to Joe. Song fic. What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts. Story in Joe's POV. Dedicated To Eveyone Who Has Lost A Loved One.


**Summary: My first Hardy Boys song-fic. It's been a while since Iola's death, and it's the little things that have been getting at Joe. The song is "What Hurts The Most" by Rascal Flats. Story is directed from Joe's point of view.**

**Disclaimer: I, B.C.A, do not own any of the characters appearing in their books.**

**Rating: K+ just to be safe.**

**Pairing: Joe x Iola**

**Title: What Hurts The Most**

**Authoress: Beautiful-Crying-Angel**

**Side Note: The words in bold italics are from the song.**

_**I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house  
That don't bother me  
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out  
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while  
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me  
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok  
But that's not what gets me**_

I watched my mother move around busily, getting the house ready for company. Some of her friends from high school were flying in today, and she was more excited than a kid who had just received a puppy at Christmas.

On this particular day, Dad was in New York at a police conference, giving his speech to all attending officers, can you spell boring? Frank had offered to drive with Mom to the airport, but until then he had locked himself in his room. There is no doubt in my mind that he had his nose stuck in a book, studying away like the white sheep he is.

The house was unusually quiet, and right now I couldn't stand it. The silence meant that I was alone with my thoughts, and I don't think I can take it.

I turned on the TV, trying to get my mind off _her. _Iola Morton, the first love of my life, and –of this I am positive- the only one I will ever love. Our relationship had been like a fairy tale, but ended like all those annoying soap operas they play in the afternoons.

I shook my head, clearing the images of her funeral, and directed my attention to the large screen of the television. There was a movie playing, which I thought would be a breath of fresh air. I grabbed the TV guide after a few minutes, wanting to know what the heck I was watching. "A Walk To Remember?" I sighed. Iola and I had gone to see this movie in the theaters, and I already knew how it ended. Just like my life…

I flicked through a couple stations. All of them seemed to be playing something with romance or a soap opera. Finally I reached the Spike channel. I settled back, watching as a couple guys fought. Suddenly in the background a car exploded and there was an ear piercing scream.

I turned off the TV, feeling the knot tighten in my stomach, images of Iola's death flashing through my mind. I threw down the remote, startling my mother, and informed her I was going to take a walk. She nodded, knowing what I had been feeling lately.

I grabbed my jacket, and stepped out into the oddly comforting rain. I ran down the driveway, and onto the sidewalk. For as long as I can remember I loved to run. The faster you run, the farther behind you your problems get. The harder you push the more concentrated you become. Running was my escape. An escape from everything threatening to crash around me.

After a while I stopped running, and sat on one of the various benches that lined the streets of Bayport. I watch a young couple walk down the street arm in arm, snuggling under a large umbrella. "Iola," I whispered. I'm tried of acting like everything is going to be okay, because it won't be! I laid my head in my hands, and allowed the tears to pour down my cheeks.

_**What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do**_

Sometimes I wonder if things will ever be normal again. After her death everyone and everything just seemed to change. I watched Chet recoil into his mind, his love for the world gone with the death of his only sister. Callie cried without end. Iola was her best friend, and for a time she could not bare to even hang out with the other girls in her class. Frank tried his best to be strong, to right the wrongs, and to get everybody through this. He's more like a father to me than our own dad. Frank has helped me a great deal, and he's the first person I go to in times of need. He'll be a great father someday…

I look down at my shaking hands. I have watched myself change since her death. There have been days, much like today, where I think of taking my life and once again be reunited with Iola. But I know that's foolish, so I go through each day asking myself, "What would she want me to do?" And somehow that helps.

I close my eyes. If I could have even one more day with her, I'd tell her how much I love her, and hold her in my arms, bringing peace to my aching heart and mind. It hurts, because we were close, and I thought we'd be together forever. The guilt feeds off it. I once spent my days trying to be somebody, trying to earn the respect and love of others, when really I should have paid attention to the one thing in my life, that -even though I didn't know it then- pushed me everyday. Made me that man I am today. Made we work hard so that I could make this world a better place.

I clenched my fists tightly now. Right now, with God as my witness, I vow that I will spend the rest of my life putting killers behind bars. No one deserves to feel the pain that I felt, and no one deserves to die like Iola. That bomb was meant for me, and I'm going to make this country a better place to live in. I dedicate my life in Iola's memory.

_**It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go  
But I'm doing It  
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone  
Still Harder  
Getting up, getting dressed, living with this regret  
But I know if I could do it over  
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart  
That I left unspoken**_

I stand from the bench, to resume my run. As I tear down the street again I think about how far I've come, how far we have all come. Chet smiles again, his appetite has returned, and he tackles everyday with one of his new and improved hobbies. Deep down I know, he does his best to keep us all happy. Even in the worst situations and darkest times he takes on the day with a happy heart. He'll make somebody really happy someday…

Callie is back in her old routine, and hangs out with her friends and Frank a lot. And Frank, he has a more open heart, and does everything he can to protect Callie and myself. He checks up on me every now and again, feeling as though it's his duty.

I caught him once, crying in his room. He hadn't known that I had returned home from the gym, and was just letting his emotions out. He told me of the nightmares he has. He told me that he wishes he would have died in her place, that way I wouldn't feel such great pain, and I could still have Iola. He really is an idiot if he thinks that everything would be okay if I lost him, for God's sake he's my brother! If Frank would have died, I most likely would have committed suicide by now.

I've come along away too, even though it still hurts. We've tackled a couple cases, I catch myself smiling, and I can get up, get dressed, and meet the world with a challenge.

I see Biff and Chet in a diner across the street, waving at me happily. I force a smile, and wave back, but continue my run…they'll understand. I run a little while longer before deciding it would be best if I headed home.

Soon our large family home comes into view, and I remember something I read in a magazine. Some people believe that if you talk to the dead they can hear you, others believe that if you write letters they will read them. I run into the house, past my mother who is still cleaning, past my brother who gives me a strange look, and into the kitchen. I grab the car's keys off the rack. Frank and Mom were going to take the van, Dad had taken a taxi (I don't know why, but hey that's the way my father is). Before anyone could ask questions I was in the car, and pulling out of the drive.

_**What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do**_

I drove for half an hour before pulling off onto a narrow road. A sign up ahead read the name of the cemetery. I hadn't visited Iola in a long time, but all of that was going to change. I parked the car, and walked to her grave. I had memorized its exact location, like I had memorized the way to the Morton farm.

Finally I found it, and felt guilty for not bringing a bouquet of roses with me. They are Iola's favourite flower…were her favourite. I kneel down beside her grave, running my fingers across the cold hard stone. "Here lays, Iola Elizabeth Morton. Beloved daughter, sister, and friend. In her beauty, forever young, and forever loved." I sighed, and continued looking at the headstone.

"I didn't think your stone would say that." I wiped a tear away along with the rain. "You should have been ninety, and it should have said, 'Iola Elizabeth Morton-Hardy. Beloved mother, wife, sister, and friend.' The beauty and loved part could have stayed though." I paused, almost like I was waiting for an answer. "I miss you."

_**What hurts the most  
Was being so close  
And having so much to say  
And watching you walk away  
And never knowing  
What could have been  
And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do**_

"I love you Iola," I whispered. Leaning closer I kissed the stone. "I never showed it before but I love you." I continued to kneel, when I felt a cold rush on my shoulder. Looking over I smiled through my tears, at the girl with dark hair smiling down at me.

The sun opened up through a crack in the sky, and soon the clouds had disappeared altogether. I hugged the glorious figure, feeling for the final time, her body pressed against mine. This was her farewell, but after that moment, I knew that through every obstacle our love would shine through. An ever present hope, and an ever present memory.

_**And not seeing that loving you  
Is what I was trying to do**_

**Okay…What did you think? Hope you enjoyed it :)**

**If you read please review, I want to know what you're thinking.**

**Love,**

**B.C.A.**

**Dedicated to everyone who has lost a love one. **


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